By Jeff From Cyber Security Challenge
March 25, 2025
April Fools' came early this year as top Trump administration officials failed the Cyber Security Challenge 2025 yesterday by conducting sensitive war operations via the cutting-edge platform known as... a group chat. The DoD’s Cybersecurity Awareness Challenge Representative, Tina, was flabbergasted that our nation’s elite defenders did not learn the lessons from the beloved Cybersecurity Challenge. “WTF!,” Tina exclaimed. "What the f--- do we have to do to get you folks to understand you don't use your damn cell phone for secret s---?!"
Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth, Secretary of State Marco Rubio, Vice President JD Vance, and National Security Advisor Michael Waltz demonstrated their mastery of operational security by accidentally adding The Atlantic's Editor-in-Chief Jeffrey Goldberg to their "Houthi PC small group" on Signal. The group shared detailed military plans for airstrikes in Yemen, complete with target information, weapons packages, and attack timing—information that Goldberg described as sending "a chill down my spine."
When questioned about the security breach, Hegseth, who had previously assured the chat participants that "we are currently clean on OPSEC," responded with characteristic confidence: "Nobody was texting war plans, and that's all I have to say about that." This clear statement came right on the heels of the White House confirming the messages were authentic. Great check on integrity, Pete!
The administration, which championed claims that Hillary Clinton "betrayed her country" over her private email server, has now pioneered a far more efficient system for potential information leaks: just add journalists directly to your war planning sessions. “What a shame DOGE didn’t think of it,” Elon Musk observed.
As VP Vance eloquently put it in the leaked chat while discussing European allies, "I fully share your loathing of European freeloading. It's PATHETIC." NATO allies thanked for VEEP for his clarity and bold thinking according to the respected British news magazine, The Mirror.
National Security Council spokesman Brian Hughes masterfully spun the situation, calling the thread "a demonstration of the deep and thoughtful policy coordination between senior officials," apparently referring to their deep and thoughtful disregard for federal record-keeping laws and classified information handling protocols.
The administration has launched an investigation into how "an inadvertent number was added to the chain," though sources confirm there are no current plans to investigate why Cabinet officials were planning military strikes on a commercial messaging app in the first place.
Former officials noted that the use of Signal for classified operational details potentially violated the Espionage Act, federal records laws, and basic common sense—a trifecta rarely achieved in Washington.
When reached for comment, Clinton simply reposted the story with one comment: "Thank God! You won’t have Hillary Rodham to kick around anymore."
Pentagon sources confirm that future military operations will be conducted via more secure channels, such as TikTok comments sections or just on X for everyone’s convenance.
Sources:
"Top Trump officials accidentally shared war plans with media," Defense News, March 24, 2025
"'100% OPSEC' apparently means texting military plans to a reporter," Task & Purpose, March 24, 2025
"Hegseth Disclosed Secret War Plans in a Group Chat," The New York Times, March 24, 2025
"The Trump Administration Accidentally Texted Me Its War Plans," The Atlantic, March 24, 2025
Bibliography:
Cooper, Helene, and Schmitt, Eric. "Hegseth Disclosed Secret War Plans in a Group Chat." The New York Times, March 24, 2025.
Goldberg, Jeffrey. "The Trump Administration Accidentally Texted Me Its War Plans." The Atlantic, March 24, 2025.
Schogol, Jeff. "'100% OPSEC' apparently means texting military plans to a reporter." Task & Purpose, March 24, 2025.
Shane, Leo III. "Top Trump officials accidentally shared war plans with media." Defense News, March 24, 2025.
